At least that's what John Morrison wanted the media to believe as he stood next to Theriot's locker in the Cubs clubhouse on Tuesday. Morrison's ID badge claimed he was part of "The-Riot Enterprises," and handled the public relations for the infielder's sports, movies and broadcasting enterprises. They were still working on a slogan for the business. One idea: "It's a riot."
No one told Theriot about any of this.
"Who put you up to this?" Theriot said as he approached his locker Tuesday and saw Morrison in his dark suit and red tie for the first time.
The media actually needed to talk to Theriot because he was a late scratch from Monday's game after his back tightened up.
"You want me to answer the questions?" Morrison said.
Theriot took over.
"[My back] is something I've been dealing with for a long time, and I actually felt worse on [Sunday], when I had a few hits," Theriot said. "[Sitting Monday] was more precautionary, and I feel much better today and we'll see what happens."
However, he was not in the lineup Tuesday for the Cubs in the series finale against the New York Mets. It's tough for Theriot to not play -- he's riding a seven-game hitting streak and batting .481 (13-for-27) on the soon-to-be completed homestand.
"You never want to go in, especially when you're feeling good at the plate and the team is winning," Theriot said. "Eventually, it will never be 100 percent because that's just the way I was born. It's been something I've dealt with forever and played with. It's just a fact of life. It's not a big deal, really."
Theriot has lower back pain and has been doing exercises to deal with it.
"If I felt it was affecting my performance on the field, I wouldn't have been out there," he said. "It's something I've been dealing with forever. I can go out and get hits and steal bases with it. I don't see why it would hinder me from playing."
There was a pause in the interview.
"Are you OK answering these questions?" Morrison said.
"Yes," Theriot said, smirking. "Thanks, Kerry -- Kerry Wood."
Evidently, Wood may have been one of the culprits behind Morrison's unexpected appearance at Theriot's locker. The affable shortstop is an easy target for interviews, and, apparently his teammates had had enough. Morrison said he was being paid hourly.
"Wherever he goes -- within reason -- I'll go," Morrison said.
Actually, Morrison will likely return to his day job as an intern in the Cubs marketing department.
Carrie Muskat is a reporter for MLB.com. This story was not subject to the approval of Major League Baseball or its clubs.